Thinking…
I have a lot of things to think about right now, and all I seem to be doing is thinking about them. Most of my day is spent thinking…When I’m not working that is, but both my jobs involve a lot of thinking so it’s seeming that I spend 100% of my time thinking. I can’t seem to settle my mind down, I am feeling tired, and I am very easily distracted by minor things – that involve thinking.
I guess I should feel grateful that I have the brain capacity to think as much as I am now, because Christ knows in the past four years there have been times when thinking has been challenging.
Am I taking on too much? Am I letting go of too much? Am I taking on the right things? Am I making good choices? How are my choices going to affect me in the short or long term? Should I even be thinking about the long term? Etc. I could go on and on.
I am so involved in pondering big questions that I am not reading much – books or blogs or anything.
I just want to shut my brain off for a while, and I am starting to do what I used to do when I was in the thick of depression & my thinking was out of control: taking my pills and going to bed early.
Wandering Coyote 
“Yon Cassius hath a lean and hungry look. Methinks he thinks too much. . ”
Ah, the over-active ever busy brain. I often find myself thinking too much, and wishing I had some pills I could take. Usually I get up and work on a crossword puzzle. Somehow trying to figure out the convolutions of those word games seems to shut down the speculative portion of by brain and stop the head games long enough to get to sleep. Sometimes it doesn’t work, though.
Hope you find some peace. Or at least some sleep.
Occasionally I get to a similar place and cannot even read a book, no matter how interesting. It doesn’t last long though. I read a book a day or two at the most so I read a lot. If I can’t settle down to read I have to find the source of my disturbing and wandering mind. (Notice I said disturbing and not disturbed.) Ha. For me, I have to really let go mentally of everything and start fresh so to speak. Just give it all up. Take care of yourself and find some joy and peace.
I recommend more bear watching. Or do something with the body and switch off the mind for awhile. I have suffered depression before too and remember how the thoughts can be like a run away train. For me, I could spend hours going in circles with the words “what if…..”. As in “what if I had done something differently…..”. Wishing you well.
I actually think this of a good sign…thinking means planning and enthusiasm for the furture. As long as your thoughts aren’t full or you putting your self done because we both see you how your life doesn’t improve when you do that. Very pround of you for all the huge steps you have made.
When both of your jobs involved so much thinking, perhaps it might help to do more physical endeavours during your down time? I find that when I start to worry too much about something, a good hard workout helps to clear my mind.
I agree with those who suggest doing something physical. That’s part of the reason I run. Once I shake out the constant stream of (usually) worry, I settle into my run and focus on that.
Sometimes when I am in the thick of thinking I need to check out and just chill for a while. Meditation helps if you’re into it, and walking or swimming seem to turn my mind off (something about the repetitive nature of the activity I think). Personally, I am happy you are looking into your future and thinking about life – shows you are in recovery and big yay for that my friend xx